In The New Year

Its been awhile since I've written. A little over 2 months. Christmas and New Year has come and gone. Much has transpired. Maybe I'll be able to share, but for now I can just say- emotionally exhausting, but not without beauty. I'm well into my resolutions at this point. Kind of got a head start.

I just read an article about blogging. How its so popular and self-indulgent. Since, I am completely self-absorbed right now- I wondered if I should revisit this blog. Its as good as any, I thought. People write about wine, child rearing, their pets, so forth...Why couldn't I continue to write about the bereavement process with the same indulgent fervor? Some might think it should be a personal journey not meant to be shared in this manner, but I enjoy writing and have learned rather recently that I could care less what a lot of people think. Could care less in that liberated 'I'm going to do it anyway because at the end of the day you could hurt me no more than I've already been hurt'.

So, with that logic, I will write at my leisure...any morbid thought i feel, any insight I can share, any neuroses I need to purge. And, I will be forgiving of myself and fine with my punctuation errors and any bad grammar or syntax, How it flows out is how it comes out...because I want it out. I want what I'm feeling to be in and out at the same time. Writing anchors me and I've been flailing about in stormy waters for awhile.

My mom used to say, "Heather, whatever you write, I will want to read. When you write your first book- I don't want you to give me a copy- I want to buy a copy"
"Of course, I'd never have you buy a copy, Mom!"...that's what I would always say.

But, she would protest. Thank you mom for reading my stories when I was a kid and for keeping them when I was throwing them out. I will try to have that faith in myself you so generously had for me. A faith that is beyond the belief in one's own talents or gifts, but the faith that encourages the belief of self expression.. That it is good to pour yourself- outside of yourself. And- that we should trust in that mother principle, real woman or universal deity (how lucky to have both) to nurture that growth worthy and pure enough of sharing.