Dear Mom

Today is Mardi Gras. It will be over soon. The Saints won the Superbowl! Louisiana is brimming with joy. Its cup is overflowing. Only February and blessings pour, all about.
I wish I were in our homeland, reveling with the revelers. I am- in spirit.

For me, I've used this past week as a golden ticket to indulge. I've relished in sweets (had two red velvet cupcakes- you know how I love those!) and partook in several glasses of wine. I've stayed up absurdly late doing whatever I felt like and slept in late savoring the six fluffy pillows at my disposal. My dreams have been vivid and my senses have been heightened. I've listened to music like its a vitamin I'm deficient in. I've played with friends and laughed heartily at their antics. I've flirted and fantasized vividly. I've been mischievous. Buying things on impulse. You'd be so proud- I nearly bought an outrageously priced last minute ticket to fly down for Mardi Gras! Though I know you would have championed the cause, I opted to be reasonable-but I needed to be PERSUADED to think reasonably. It was extremely out of character for your straight and narrow eldest. Blame it on the moon having been in Aquarius or other forces at work- but I'm breaking free. A little rebel emerging. I know you knew she was always there.

The Saints victory will have Louisiana celebrating all year. Mardi Gras every day. Louisiana never needs much of an excuse to party. If I were a tatoo kind of girl- I think I would get a symbol reflecting the spirit of Carnival. To remind myself to celebrate life.

That was one of the last things you told Jenn and me. I will never forget. You must have felt the tension in our hushed whispers in that dark ICU room. We were trying to let you rest. From your deep unconsciousness (perhaps, true Consciousness)- you- with closed eyes- told us to "Go...Go Have Fun". Just like that. Smooth voice- sure and convinced. You silenced us. We were in shock that you spoke. You made us still at What you spoke. You were amazing like that. Defying expectations.

Thank you for saying that, Mom, because I'm trying. Its nice to have fun.

Love,
Heather

P.S. I'm saving the money I would have blown on the impromptu trip to go towards another trip. Where? Not sure yet, but I've got some ideas!