This Morning

Written This Morning

“I want MuMa to wake up. I want MuMa to feel better.”
This is what my nephew tells me this morning as we enter Mom’s apartment so that I could dry some clothes. I want that, too. With the state of mom, Jenn and I have learned to not dare to0 much investment in the future. We don’t know what will happen two days from now, lest 2 hours. Staying in the moment is helping us to stay grounded. However, every now and then, when little Will refers to mom, Jennifer and I share this knowing feeling. This is a feeling of dread. How will we tell him? I have my own moments where I’m overwhelmed with the rush of reality. This usually happens as soon as I open my eyes upon waking. “Mom is dying” is the first thought that greets me when I open my eyes. You are supposed to get much rest and take care of yourself when you are taking care of someone else. But, I can’t help but find myself procrastinating going to sleep to avoid opening my eyes later to this same reality.
Today, mom’s sister will sit with her during the day. We’ve fallen into rhythms. Patterns that find us as we adjust to new circumstances. Now, our days consists alternating nights sleeping in mom’s room and spending the morning with her. Mom’s sister (Elise) sits with mom during the day. The other daughter takes over the next night. The room is small. It takes a kind of grace to maneuver in such close quarters. But, then again, everything about this journey takes a little grace.
While Aunt Elise sits with mom today, Jenn and I will take the little one to a birthday party today. It’s at a bowling alley. Will deserves some fun. Some colorful distraction. Much needed.